Tag Archives: creative process

be brave enough to show up.

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As I breathe the life back into myself, after this long period of grief, I have been faced with challenging questions surrounding life and its meaning. Where do I find purpose? What brings joy into my life and how will I notice when something meaningful is staring me in the eyes.

Will I be brave enough to show up? Sometimes showing up is half the battle, and how I navigate day to day challenges can be the difference between whether or not I feel like I’m heading in the right direction. Bravery, the act of courageousness it takes to show up as you are and accept all the bumps and flaws in the road on the way, does not mean you have no fear, it’s feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

My fears have occasionally gotten the best of me, dulling the sparkling shining parts of myself that only emerge when I have the courage to be disliked, to acknowledge that not everyone will share my perspective or agree, or even understand the things I have to say. But what’s worse is the alternative, never revealing my authentic self, hiding the best parts away wondering why I feel unseen and unheard before realizing, “Oh. I’m supposed to let people in if I want them to get to know me?” Duh. But don’t beat yourself up if you’ve made similar mistakes.

Hiding away can seem like a shield, an act of protection, but the only thing you are guarding yourself from is true connection. And without connection what really is there? I don’t mean you need a significant other or a large friend group, but this connection can be with yourself, the hobbies you love, the great outdoors, or with something else, anything really.

So, my challenge for you, and myself as well, is to be brave enough to show up, as yourself. Though always evolving we are living right here, right now, each moment a powerful new opportunity to connect.

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are you who you want to be?

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The act of creation, the divine process, a form of alchemy, requires not only the contemplation of strategy and logic, but first an foremost requires action. Nothing will be created without it: the momentum of putting one foot ahead of another, sometimes stumbling, taking a step back or getting so clumsy you trip over your own feet. But getting back up, that is the most important lesson. It’s okay to fall. Just keep going.

I’ve asked myself many times, “are you who you want to be?” Self-acceptance is also necessary, it’s true, but moving forward and creating yourself as though molding a piece of clay, forever sculpting, designing the destiny you chose, well, that’s beautiful. Part of creating a life you want to live includes destruction. Destroying bad habits, old patterns, toxic cycles, shedding the comfort they wrap you up in like a snakeskin.

Are you who you want to be?

I feel like taking action is also a process, a habit that you practice, a muscle that gets stronger, that each time you learn how to get back up again and take those steps forward, becomes an easier task, less of a chore and more of an adventure. Action keeps you from waiting for something that will never arrive, it reminds you that the path you take is in your hands, should you choose to embrace your power.

So stop waiting, wishing, wanting, longing, and look at yourself in the mirror. You can do this. You can fucking do this babe, don’t doubt yourself for a second because the world needs people who have come alive, who are willing to fight for themselves and their dreams. Chase your passions, ignore the negativity that seeps in from both external and internal sources. That voice in your head that can be so cruel, echoing the words once so recklessly and carelessly uttered by those who perhaps never deserved your time or attention. Don’t give that voice power, not even a glace back over your shoulder or a second thought again. Don’t let it stop you from putting yourself first, from taking care of the amazing divine being that you already are.

And if the answer is “no” to that question, maybe it’s “not yet” and now is your chance, your time, to take action.


“cold water” ambient poem

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sometimes you need to jump into the ocean
like nothing else matters
but yearning to feel the cold water on your skin
a shock to the system
you feel alive again
remember who you are
and all the parts you have yet to become
all the parts you have yet to discover
that awaken your hibernating your hibernating spirit
like (Blooming After a Cold Dark Night)
with no regrets
and without fear
or hesitation
held together by
only the sparkling edge of the sea
the sun in the sky
fog in the air
finally clearing



The Ceramic Castle: (poetry + sketchbook pages)

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helpless, watching the bombs fall
from a shattered sky
as they hit the ground trembling
and burn into memories of laying in the prairie
towards gazing meteor showers and shooting stars
that give life to flowers crushed in the palm of their hands

mourning tragic moments
has a way of
showing us the truth
exposing all the cracks and flaws
in this ceramic castle that we built

train ride to new york asmr + “ur so real” slowed remix

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I recently took a trip to New York via Amtrak train and documented the adventure. The slowed remix of my song “UR So Real” featured in this video is available for download at: https://luximusic.bandcamp.com/track/ur-so-real-slowed-remix
~L

~ NYC Art Journal ~

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The following are excerpts from the art journal I kept while visiting New York for a week.

My temporary studio

The mediums I brought with were watercolors, oil pastels, and water-soluble wax pastels, as well as various pens and pencils. I also had a blank moleskin journal where my overall goal was to just fill up as many of the pages as possible and let myself experiment with different approaches. // I started with some background washes on a handful of pages, in case while wandering around the city I was struck with inspiration and wanted to add a drawing. // My process evolved into continually adding layers, sometimes going back to different pages to add something new. // Overall, it was a fun experiment and there were some concepts that emerged I would like to explore further, I hope you enjoy this glimpse into my process. ~L

“Lavender lattes”
poured over a soft fabric
reminding me of a warmer day
when not uncovered
in vulnerability, sometimes an
unwelcome visitor, who stays
for too long on your couch
leaving your cupboards bare
upon their exit

“Sparkling stars and the cityscape”
give me a journey
unlike the guilty rays of sunshine
soaked up by my skin
on a rooftop beach
my brick-and-mortar bones
raw and unfolding

The film replays

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I am currently on my journey back to the Midwest on the Lakeshore Limited Amtrak train, and have found myself blessed with a much better view this time around. The sun set over the Hudson River as the world whisked by, I held Charlie’s tag while finally shedding my first tears of the day, having somehow held them inside until I had made it to my sleeper car. This trip was heavy. I wasn’t sure how I would feel at the ending, if I would want to stay longer or if I would be ready to return to Milwaukee, and it has turned out to be a mixture of the two.

The veterinarian (or the angel of death as I’ve been referring to him), let me know his ashes would be ready the day I return coincidentally, synchronistically, like how the morning of his death I opened the cupboard to find it bare; after watching a monarch butterfly land on a freshly planted tree. Though I’m eager to have his remains back where they belong, I am not necessarily looking forward to being alone in that place again, the place that once felt like home but no longer truly does. I hope over time my heart will recognize it as a place of comfort.

During the past week, there were difficult moments, mostly when the quiet stillness seeped in, causing my mind to replay his final moments like a film I couldn’t stop in my mind, which is when I would turn on videos or music to fill my brain instead. I have been finding podcasts about grief helpful, and especially the ones where they acknowledge losing an animal companion can be just as painful as losing a close friend or family member. Our relationship was pure, no arguments, ultimately forgiving, and unconditionally loving. My darkest thoughts have included that I will never be unconditionally loved again and I try to brush those aside.

However, what was great about New York is that it’s the perfect place to stay busy and distracted, and unlike back home, I would get out every day to explore, walking mindlessly around Brooklyn admiring the graffiti art and shops. This trip was good for me, empowering, and it showed me there is a future and fulfilling life beyond what I have lost. I want to bring my sense of adventure back with me, and not only explore my own neighborhood more frequently, but also my inner universe, where the rivers run deep in my veins and stars appear beneath my eyelids, questioning why the films that play in my head repeat the way they do and what makes my heart sing. What makes me feel whole. I used to tell Charlie “it’s just you and me buddy” like it was us against the world, but now it’s just me. Though he has taught me so much about who I am and who I want to be, where I want to go.

The art of perseverance

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While exploring the city today I stopped at a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant for a bite to eat and to add a quick sketch to my travel journal. I wasn’t overly impressed with the results, but the process is what matters the most to me. There was a young boy who couldn’t have been older than 7 years old hanging out at the patio as well while his mom was working. He was drawing at the table across from me and I was endeared by the shared interest.

After a while, the boy suddenly shot up and crumpled his paper, grumbling to himself. He ripped it up aggressively and threw the remnants on the ground, stomping on them and his marker in a dramatic matter that made me wonder if I should tell him not to give up. After his initial drawing was thoroughly destroyed, he got up and for a moment I thought he was done with art indefinitely.

Until he returned with more paper. This kid drew and destroyed several more sketches, each time ripping them up to stomp on in the same exasperated fashion. Wow, I felt that. What struck me about this action wasn’t that he was destroying his art, it’s that he kept getting up for more paper to keep trying. It was a beautiful reminder, you can hate your art, destroy it if you want, but keep turning more pages to try again.

Why “Failing” is Necessary For Success

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DSCN4514Learn From Your Mistakes
It’s normal to make mistakes, it can even been seen as a good thing if you are able to learn from your personal mistakes and make changes based on the lessons you’ve learned. Hopefully you are aware enough to admit when you are wrong or when a business idea or plan isn’t working out. Often times those who are so scared of making a mistake are actually holding themselves back from doing what they really want to, because they are too scared to even start or try.

Writing Prompt: make a list of some of the mistakes you’ve made that might be bringing you down, and then how you’ve learned from them in order to not do similar things in the future. How have these things made you the person you are today? How have they helped you progress and grow? Are you able to re-frame these things to see them in a more positive light?

Learn From Others
Save yourself some time and learn from other people’s errors. Do your research and you will probably find numerous articles and information on the web about people trying to do similar things as yourself and find out what didn’t work for them. You can also look around your own life and observe those close to you, not to say to judge people, but just be aware of the mistakes your friends and family are making that have seemed to cause them strife, and try to avoid doing those things yourself.

Fail & Start Again as Quickly as Possible
Once you have failed, you are in the best place to try again. Get the bad ideas out and over with, cut your losses, and figure out a new plan. Don’t stay dredging it out in one specific idea just because you committed yourself to it when it obviously isn’t working.  Eventually you will be able to see each “mistake” as an opportunity, rather than some terrible thing that happened, to grow and start fresh again with some new ideas!

“I have not failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that didn’t work”  (Thomas Edison)